The Duke’s Menu
Word today is that Randy “Duke” Cunningham, disgraced Republican congressman from San Diego, actually had a “bribe menu,” where he priced out the cost of purchasing his integrity:
The sentencing memorandum includes the California Republican’s “bribery menu” on one of his congressional note cards, “starkly framed” under the seal of the United States Congress.
The card shows an escalating scale for bribes, starting at $140,000 and a luxury yacht for a $16 million Defense Department contract. Each additional $1 million in contract value required a $50,000 bribe.
The rate dropped to $25,000 per additional million once the contract went above $20 million.
Boo-yah! I love that he even offered volume discounts! Wal-Mart could learn something from this guy.
What Rep. Cunningham understood, of course, was that everything has its price, and all prices are relative to services rendered. For example, when Bonasera comes to see The Godfather at the beginning of the film, he asks that Don Corleone murder the men who tried to rape his daughter:
Bonasera: What do you want of me? Tell me anything, but do what I beg you to do.
Corleone: What is that? (Bonasera whispers his request in the Don’s ear.) That I cannot do.
Bonasera: I will give you anything you ask.
Corleone: We’ve known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel or for help. I can’t remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let’s be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt.
Bonasera: I didn’t want to get into trouble.
Corleone: I understand. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn’t need a friend like me. But uh, now you come to me and you say - ‘Don Corleone, give me justice.’ But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you, uh, ask me to do murder for money.
Bonasera: I ask you for justice.
Corleone: That is not justice. Your daughter is still alive.
Bonasera: Let them suffer then, as she suffers. How much shall I pay you?
You see, justice is justice. There’s a quid pro quo, as it were. Meanwhile, the slimy bastard that paid the Duke off, copped a plea.