Republicans… or the Mafia?

It’s official. The Duke Cunningham Scandal, aka, Cunningscam, has jumped the shark. We were betting it was going to happen sooner. The over/under was March 1.

“What brought this on?” you might ask. Great question. Well, the Wall Street Journal is reporting that the Duke-stir, who received $2.4 million in bribes, was not only getting fancy cars from his Defense Contractor pals, he was also being supplied with women to screw in the back seat.

The Duke would call up Mitch Wade and say “I want a hooker,” at which point Mitch would, allegedly, call Brent Wilkes to set up a meeting at none other than the Watergate Hotel– the Hotel Celebre of Washington Scandalry!

Staring at the Duke’s visage next to that grisly headline in the WSJ, our first thought was of Senator Pat Geary of Godfather 2. Well, no, that’s a lie. Our first thought was: “Wow. $2.4 million is nothing compared to what Wilkes and Wade must’ve paid those hookers to screw this crusty old fart.”

Our second thought was definitely of Senator Geary. Remember, Geary would frequent a Vegas brothel that was owned and operated by none other than Fredo Corleone, older brother of uber-don Michael Corleone. When Geary wakes up after a night of boozing and kinky weirdness to find a dead hooker in his bed, Michael steps in to clean up the mess. From that point on, Geary is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Corleone Crime family.

Same with Duke-stir. We’re not suggesting he killed any hookers (do you believe that I even need to make that caveat on a website about politicians? Dis day an’ age…). But the fact is that, like Pat Geary, his involvement with prostitutes, among other things, landed him squarely in the deep pockets of shady private sector interests.

Duke-stir: We owe you one. For providing endless fodder for our fledgling web effort, we’re presenting you with the first annual Zellman-Geary award for Excellence in Official Corruption and Hooker-Banging. Cento Anni di Salud!

Fictional Mob boss Tony Soprano endorsed actual Republican Senator Rick Santorum in Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos:

“I agree with that Sen. Sanatorium, (sic) who says if we let this stuff go too far, pretty soon we’ll be f***ing dogs.”

The anti-gay themes were heavy in the Sopranos on Sunday. Reminded us of America during an election year.

And throughout it all, we couldn’t help but think of Tony as a George Bush-like figure. In his heart of hearts, George Bush doesn’t really care about homosexuality. He makes a stink about it for practical reasons– because that’s what he’s expected to do to keep up appearances. But come on: this a president who has woken up– on more than one occasion, we’d guess– with his face stuck in a pasty cemented mix of whiskey-puke combined with the leftovers of last night’s cocaine. Could he really judge homosexuality that harshly?

Nah. As he says to Silvio:

“It’s 2006. There’s pillow biters in the Special Forces.”

Hehe. Er… right. Well, that’s Tony’s way of being accepting. But seriously– Tony’s had his transgressions, too, and judging a gay guy as a sinner just doesn’t sit right with him. When Carlo suggests that it might be a sin, Tony nearly calls him out on the hypocrisy of it all: “Let’s be honest with ourselves,” he starts, leading us to believe he’s about to launch into a diatribe about the absurdity of a bunch of guys who kill, steal and cheat for a living judging Vito as a sinner because he’s gay. But he cops out– relying on the practical argument rather than the honest one: “We all know Vito’s not the first.”

And the practical is what will prevail in Tony’s world. Silvio’s argument is the one that rings most true: If you let Vito get a pass on anything from here on out, the fact that he’s gay will influence the way the rest of the capos view that move. It’s not about judging him– it’s about politics. This argument clearly resonates with Tony.

And that’s the reason that Bill Frist will be proposing a Federal Marriage Amendment in June. Not because George Bush necessarily thinks it’s right. We’d be willing to guess he doesn’t. But because in 2004, he was in a political pinch, and forcing gay marriage into the national conversation was politically expedient. It was practical. And in that regard, Tony and the president aren’t all that different.

Clearly David Chase was making a point in this episode about Mafiosos leaning Republican (We could’ve told you that –ed. Good point! Maybe Chase has been visiting the site!). Not incidentally, Carmella owned up to voting for Bush in 2004. Little did she know she was married to him.

We’d be remiss in our duties if we failed to flag this Sunday NYTimes piece on the family-oriented nature of the Abramoff affair.

The piece points out all sorts of helpful connections (which are fleshed out in detail at TPMmuckraker.com– with articles contributed by ROTM Editors!) between Jack and his brother Robert, Tom Delay and his wife and daughter, Tony Rudy and his wife Lisa, John Doolittle and his wife Julie, and on and on. Here’s the Times:

[Robert Abramoff’s] apparent entanglement in his brother’s business is an example of what investigators say is something remarkable about the criminal inquiry centered on Jack Abramoff and his Washington lobbying network: the degree to which the spouses and other family members of the investigation’s central targets are being caught up in it. Some have dealt with subpoenas and interviews with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, with at least the possibility of facing civil or criminal charges.

Lawyers with detailed knowledge of the Justice Department’s investigation, who were granted anonymity because of rules barring public discussion of grand jury evidence, say that so many of the wives of lawmakers and lobbyists have become tied up in the investigation that F.B.I. agents have begun referring to them as “The Wives Club.”

Surely, part of the reason for involving the spouses is that they generally share bank accounts with their husbands. So by laundering or funnelling money to their wives, these politicos were essentially paying themselves.

But here at ROTM, we can’t help but think that perhaps these DC gangsters were heeding the advice Tony Soprano gave his son AJ, when he menacingly intoned:

“I don’t care how close you are, in the end your friends are gonna let you down. Family. They’re the only ones you can depend on.”

Indeed. Relying strictly on blood relatives is an age-old tradition in these sorts of enterprises. When you’re in business with a set of people that is inherently greedy, corrupt and self serving– like gangsters or Republicans– your family members are simply the only set of people you can count on not to stab you in the back.

Of course, even that can backfire sometimes, like when Michael Corleone had to whack his older brother Fredo in order to protect himself. I wonder if Jack will have to send his brother Robert on a Fredo-style fishing trip in order to save himself from further incrimination? Might be time to say a few Hail Marys, Bob!